Shabbat Emor

The Torah continues this week with the ancient laws of the Priesthood, and many of us struggle to find relevance today. But we can! Even three thousand years later.

Priests were forbidden to defile themselves for the dead (Vayikra 21:1-5), except for the closest family members. One explanation is that the priest, as the representative of life and holiness, was required to distance himself from emotional identification with death, so as not to take advantage of a person’s moments of pain and brokenness as a tool for religious preaching or an attempt to bring him closer to faith out of weakness. So said the remarkable nineteenth-century Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch.

When the heart is broken, and a person is exposed, the spiritual leader is required to remain silent, exercise restraint, and refrain from preaching or suggest reasons or justifications for a loss. It is not right to speak in the name of Heaven at a time of pain. But also, the community was his priority, over personal feelings.

The spiritual leader, as typified in ancient times by the priest, was required to stay on the sidelines, not in order to be absent, but in order not to take advantage of the situation. The priest is not a representative of feelings of brokenness, but a representative of life, order, holiness and hope. And so should we all be, who want to show our sympathy.

This is why we are expected to follow the example of Job. The Book of Job tells of a wealthy, successful and fortunate man who loses everything: family, wealth and health. Crushed and deprived, he sits in silence, mourning in the dust. Three friends come to comfort him and wait without speaking for Job to start talking. Only when Job begins to talk and curses his fate, do they begin to try to comfort and suggest reasons for his agony. They even suggest he may be to blame or encourage him to curse God.

From this, we have the Jewish Law that mourners should not start talking until the mourner starts a conversation or asks for one. Too often, that does not happen. We naturally feel obliged to say something. Rabbis and mourners like to think they are helping and comforting. But they fail, and that is where we get the phrase “Job’s Mourners” from, to underline the danger of saying what ought not to be said.

Whether at funerals, graves or in houses of mourning, sermons, conversations about repentance, and even appeals for donations and memorials are sometimes said with good intentions. But they can also be inappropriate.  Besides, as the Talmud (Mo’ed Katan 27b) says, “The dead are mourned and eulogized…but the eulogy should not be excessive.”

The priest was originally a symbol. His very presence, rather than words, was how he showed his concern. He was an important symbol to remind us of community and the fact that we are not alone. Sometimes presence is enough. And silence is golden.

Rabbi Jeremy Rosen lives in New York. He was born in Manchester. His writings are concerned with religion, culture, history and current affairs – anything he finds interesting or relevant. They are designed to entertain and to stimulate. Disagreement is always welcome.